Having The Proper Self-Image

Sunday, March 14th, 2010 at 8:50 pm  
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There are endless talks, seminars and book about developing great self esteem. Self-help and building one’s self image books have their own section in bookstores. You read about thinking and speaking positive and how this develops in you a positive self image. My response to that….NOT! Yet to date people suffer from poor self identity.

There is no blueprint to construct a well balanced self image, hence in the quest we suffer. Narcissism and low self esteem are polar opposites and neither delineates who we truly are. And naturally we are driven to either side of the continuum. Even at that we put all of our weight on our strengths and don’t make an effort to work on our weaknesses. So how do we find the balance?

Most have no idea that in fact there is a blueprint. We are spiritual beings who need to tap into the creator for the ultimate understand of who we are and clarity of our assignment in the universe. Yes, we each have an assignment. As spiritual beings we have the power to do anything we set out to do. It is not necessarily all positive however, we need to have a healthy balance to reach our full potential. Understanding what a healthy self image is the premium balance.

The key is not a good self image but a proper self image. Knowing our place and mission in the universe pursue it and become successful. All the positive talk can lead an individual to narcissism and self absorption and will still not formulate the ultimate self image. Aligning ‘your’ self image with God’s brings you to understanding who you truly are. Then you can speak whatever you desire and you will prosper. As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he ~ Proverbs 4:23

Therefore, it is not what how you present, how you look or how you walk and talk. It’s all in your internal belief system. What is important is having that proper self image, finding your purpose and pursuing it with a passion. Yes, the possibilities of what you can do are limitless. But first and foremost is having a proper self image. Then your passion towards your assignment will take off and you will do the unimaginable.

Written By:
Nilda Perez

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Single Women in Mid-life and Their Self-Esteem

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010 at 11:00 pm  
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Single women in mid-life are struggling with their self-esteem. With a society that glorifies youth, beauty and thinness a single woman in midlife can lose her self-esteem abruptly. Teenagers are getting boob jobs as high school graduation gifts and twenty-four year old women are having up to ten surgeries at a time to change their physical appearance. This puts the single woman in midlife in a very insecure position. This can easily destroy any semblance of the woman’s confidence.

As a woman goes from her 40’s to her 50’s she struggles with her loss of youth. She questions her identity, her purpose in life, the choices she has made and where will go from here. Mood swings and depression are common during this time. If the woman is experiencing menopause, there are hormonal changes that are contributing to these feelings. This cocktail of issues warmly welcomes on a mid-life crisis.

While for men midlife crisis is more exemplified in their questioning their future and dissatisfaction with career or lack of meeting their financial goals, women are more concerned with loss of youthfulness. Men will begin dating much younger women. Turning in the old and bringing in the new. Women’s concerns in mid-crisis lay heavily on their physical appearance and trying to hang on to their youth. They begin to feel less attractive while they compete with younger women in every area. Therefore, in order to keep up with the completion they turn to plastic surgery. They want to hold on to their youthfulness at all cost. Aging gracefully and beautifully needs to be acceptable. Women should embrace their graceful beauty and take pride in it. Self-acceptance and self-validation is of upmost importance.

The fact is that women in their 40’s and 50’s will begin to lose their youthfulness. They will gray and they will take on a more mature look. This does not mean that they should become anxious and turn to plastic surgery and alter their appearance. It is very possible to age elegantly. In order to maintain a sophisticated fresh and vibrant appearance women need consider other options such as; concentrating on eating healthy, exercising, thinking positive, avoiding unnecessary stress and seek a spiritual relationship. Understand that women are special there are inner qualities that will surface when she focuses on cultivating the “queen in you”.

There is a Queen in every woman! Walk in your royalty and pursue dignity. There is greatness and strength in each woman. There is power in the way you think, believe and in the words you speak. Women in mid-life are the sum their experience and this personifies their true beauty. In spite of life’s challenges, hold on to the inner Queen in you. Be grateful for where you have become. It took years of overcoming challenges that brought you to this place. Embrace and love yourself. Quit trying to mold yourself to society’s false views on what a mid-life woman should look like. In spite of life’s challenges stay focused on keeping your self esteem intact during mid-life and hold to that Queen in you.

Written By:
Nilda Perez

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Fashion Tips For A Youthful Look and Feel

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010 at 6:16 pm  
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In this video Deborah Boland and JoJami Tyler discuss how wearing vibrant colors helps to make women over 40 look youthful. Oftentimes, women believe that dark colors help to make them appear thinner and conservative. But why not take a chance on color? Too much of a good thing can grow old quickly so watch this video and see how they assist women to look their very best and even younger with their brilliant tips.

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Creavtive Ways for Singles to Celebrate Valentine’s Day

Wednesday, February 10th, 2010 at 10:56 pm  
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It is understood that Valentine’s Day can be a difficult holiday for singles. It is a reminder that of one’ singlehood front and center. There is now a new theme that has been developed called “Singles Awareness Day” the acronym is SAD. This is unacceptable! Why should awesome, incredible, brilliant women have such negative feelings about what should be an awesome fun day!! Have singles forgotten what it was like to be in a relationship? How disappointed it was to be in a relationship who did not deliver on Valentine’s Day? All of the commercialization in the world did not clue your partner that chocolates and flowers were appropriate. Hence, make this day a disaster?

Allowing the advertising industry to determine one’s emotions is out of the question and only YOU can stop that! There is too much hype made on Valentine’s Day and it time we put a stop to it. Valentine’s Day should be fun and only you should determine how it will be spent. Here are a few ideas to make 2010 a memorably day. These are fun and extremely positive things to do which will have you feeling great on February 15th.

Do an Act of Service:

• Go visit a sick friend at home or in the hospital – bring them flowers, balloons make their day!
• Go to a shelter or nursing home and bring a rose to all the single ladies

Show A Loved One You Care:

• Take a God-son or God-daughter to the movies, give them chocolates and balloons
• Spend the day with grand-parent bring them flowers listen to their love stories (they love to tell)
• Spend the day with a parent bring them a card and flowers show them you care
• Spend the day with a sibling/friend/parent that is having a tough time in their relationship
• Remember someone that you love that has been good to you and bring them flowers

Spend Time With Single Friends:

• Initiate a Valentine’s Day themed brunch or dinner with a few single friends
• Go ice-skating or build a snowman, with a good friend or a sibling
• Plan a day out with other single friends make it an odd number like 3 or 5
• Get a few friends together pop in a DVD and come up with your favorite jokes
• Have a girls PJ party – wine, cheese, and fun!!

Pamper You:

• Spend the day at a Spa – get a facial, massage, body wax etc.
• Change your hair color or hair style (something fun and untraditional)
• Make your favorite dinner – get your favorite DVD – and enjoy time with you!
• Take a nice warm candle light bubble bath –disconnect phones for no interruptions
• Read your favorite book

Keep a Positive Attitude:

• Always think positive – remembering that to everything there is a season – your day will come to be in a healthy positive relationship!
• Design a health plan to keep yourself youthful and fun
• Become the good, positive, healthy, fun person that you want to attract in your life
• Keep in mind the art of attraction – become what you want to attract!
• Remember Valentine’s Day is only 24 hrs out of 8766 hours in a year – before you know it – it’s over and would have gone through it without an instant of depression!

Make it count! Have an AWESOME and Fun Valentine’s Day!

Written By:
Nilda Perez

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Menopause, Single and Childless

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010 at 8:26 pm  
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Here you are, in the midst of menopause, single and childless. While your monthly cycle was a nuisance and always come at the most inopportune time, now it is leaving or gone. With the exception of several times in our lives we looked forward getting rid of it. Now, something unexpected has happened, you are not as cheerful as you anticipated. You have apprehensions. Why? There suddenly are emotions that have surfaced that you did not predict. With menopause, you have lost that hidden desire to bare children. It had always been your decision not to have children. You now realize that you no longer have the option. Menopause has stripped this decision from you.

Now you mourn. You mourn the idea of not having the joys of motherhood. You will never have the joys of feeling movement in your womb. You will never witness your belly grow. You will never have the joy of holding your newborn. You will never have someone depend on you for food and changing. You will never have someone call you Mommy and want you over everyone else. And the pain is there, very vivid, very real. So you mourn alone, you cry and you have your wake, your funeral while you build a monument in the depth of your soul. And this pain is yours and yours alone.

And you wonder if your decision was correct. You have lost all options for at 50 you are not even considered a candidate for adoption of an infant. That camp is closed for good. This is a cry that cannot be explained except by the women that shares the same pain. There has been a demise that no one has recognized. The world continues as if there is nothing wrong. No one realizes there has been a great loss; you are isolated in your grief. No flowers, no condolences, no cards nor apologies. Only you know of this demise. No one else understands or possibly even cares. How do you explain to others that there has been a fatality and no wake, no funeral, no acknowledgement? Your grief is disenfranchised so you wipe your face, and you try to continue as if there is been no loss. You tell yourself, I am intact and all is well….but the pain continues. You are in the depth of pain and dissolution with feelings of disconnection during this season of menopause yet single and childless.

Your mourning will subside. It will get better as mourning always does. But you never forget. Every now and then you go back to the memorial in your heart and you metaphorically bring flowers, kneel at the grave site, you may even shed tears as you remember the loss of never baring children. You still have an opportunity to leave a contribution to the world by finding a vessel to deposit your emotional wealth. Where will you set the ashes of your lost children? You sprinkle the ashes among your nephews, nieces, your friends children and/or men-tees. This will be the greatest way to spread the ashes of your loss. This will be your legacy and it will assist in easing your pain. In every loss there is a chance for creativity.

And you move on. You continue living. Realizing your opportunity is gone forever, in spite of being in menopause, single and childless.

Written By:
Nilda Perez

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Setting Life Goals

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010 at 8:01 pm  
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An Old year gone a New Year begins setting life goals for the single childless 40+woman, a time for much reflection.  We look back not only on the past year, but the past years accomplishments or lack thereof.  For many of us single women, as we look back we consider and have some regrets of decisions made years earlier.  As we age we tend to do serious soul searching as we contemplate our lives.  As we enter this New Year we once again are reassessing and making new resolutions, or goals or plans for a fresh new start.

This is an awesome time for us to set new goals and make changes, and/or alter in our mundane lives.  We have become creatures of habit; what changes can we make that will make our lives more intriguing?  Try new things.  There must be a challenge that you have secretly wanted to meet.  What has held you back?  Fear, imagining it’s too late, imagining it ridiculous?  Why not take the chance on a challenge this year.  Challenge yourself to do something out of the ordinary, and make it work!  Isn’t it time you live your life with some adventure.

In setting life goals, this can all change in 2010.  You can be that risk taker, aim high and challenge yourself.  Then immediately find an accountability partner; someone who will hold you to task to meeting that goal.  There is an energy that comes from meeting the challenge.  An excitement to know that this ‘mission’ that you see as unimaginable will become your burning aspiration.  Here are some ideas:  Changing your job or career, going back to school, starting your own business, selling some of your art, songs, crafts, writings, doing a demo CD, writing (articles, blogs, a book), going sky diving, bungy jumping, take an art or photography class, become a volunteer at a nursing home, a mentor at a Boys and Girls Club, go to your local hospital volunteer to sit with cancer patients (adult or children), send letters and packages to soldiers in the service, become technology or social media savvy (get a Facebook/Twitter accounts) and connect with friends/family and other women who share your interests.  Find a cause that you are passionate about and dedicate at least an hour a week to it.

Once you have set your goal/challenge journal your progress.  If you compass your journey you will read back at year end and examine your accomplishments.  This may take some reorganization of priorities.  Spend more time focusing on your dream; this may mean less time watching TV.  Discipline yourself to on task and if you find you are veering off alter your methods and continue to press forward towards setting your life goals.

My mission now is through The BGT sisterhood/weblog to gather other women who meet the prototype and become a resource and networking community.  In this sorority you will find your safe haven and platform where you the SC40+ woman’s voice will heard.

In setting life goals what challenges would you want to meet this coming year?  And how would they improve your life?

Written by: Nilda Perez

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Still Single After All These Years!

Sunday, December 13th, 2009 at 3:43 pm  
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Still single after all these years? The BGT woman has made the choice to remain single and/or without children up until this point. We have chosen the high road in spite of all the criticism. We have been considered: picky, high maintenance, conceded, insensitive, abnormal… must I go on? Yet, we are determined to maintain our position at the risk of possibly never marrying and for most of us never having children.
So, why have we chosen this road? This we must inform the world has not been an easy decision. Society has portrayed singlehood as some erroneous act rather than a determined and perfectly fine state in itself. Because of this concept, many believe that singlehood is associated with being incomplete. But amazingly in being single, we are already complete within ourselves. We are sisters, aunts, friends and daughters with strong convictions and play an intrigue role within our society.
We are no longer the “Old Maids” of yesteryear, but successful triumphant women in our state of singlehood. We are lively, fun, free spirited, dynamic, driven, magnificent women whom have made great accomplishments and contributions in society. Most of us have achieved emotional wholeness, educational achievement, financial stability, independence, solace in our role and we have taken a stand in a society which has not warmly embraced us and undoubtly misunderstood us. What do we want to portray to the world that oftentimes we are not clearly conveying?
We want our friends, family and society to know that we still have dreams, desires, hopes and determination to make a difference in the world. Many of us are determined to finding that partner, yes we still have hope until we are deceased there is still hope. Liz We also look forward to leaving a legacy even if it’s not to our children but how about our nieces, nephews, god-children and mentees. And our desire is always to positively influence individuals within our environment. On this blog we hope to trigger your thoughts and ideas and clarify why we are still single after all these years.

Written by: Elizabeth Portalatin
Brooklyn, New York

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